Good things are here

An affirmation for us all.

Jul 30, 2024

I love dreaming. I have vivid dreams that turn into prophecy and visions that turn into reality. As of late, I am not dreaming much, not as I used to. I used to dream so often, almost every day. Now, I’m only dreaming once in a while. I get upset at my subconscious if it gives me a bad or wasted dream. Time is precious as a mother, and sleep is limited, so dreams must queue up to work their magic.

Tonight I’m confronted with what I believe is missing from my world. It's not what I’m grateful for because that would be easy. Gratitude is as easy as it gets. I once did a reading for a client. I saw her fragile demeanor behind her screen as I met her once during an intro call. She was almost a stranger and yet she gave me a valuable lesson. We opened the session and dived into meditation. I opened her Akashic records and I instantly became aware that she was on the verge of choosing to live or die, her energy field was dark and I sat with her in the little bit of light she was able to muster. I was clueless about this feeling of hopelessness she lived with until I opened her energy. The guidance she received was one we all need when we are covered with woe. Choose gratitude. It is the simplest energy to call upon and the most brilliant to help navigate through darkness.

So instead, I’ll begin this with what I am grateful for:

I am grateful for my daughter and my husband. I am grateful for the kittens, all 5 of them. I am grateful we have the opportunity to live in Spain. I am grateful I have subscribers of all kinds on Substack, encouraging me to write more. I am grateful for the food and its quality. I am no longer enduring any gut problems and feel so healthy. I am grateful for the pool and my daughter’s love for the pool. We go out multiple times in the week. I am grateful for the experiences that brought me to this point. Gratitude dwindles after frustration sets in.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough structure and space in my day to enjoy the small things. This is frequent, but doesn’t always feel this way. As a new mom, I need a structure for myself and my child. It helps her know what’s coming next and she has security in the structure. I know not all people operate this way, but I feel I can impact her emotional well-being and help us both by having a routine. I, in turn, need this for myself. As it is now, I am still in a transitional home and feel like my feet are ready to hit the ground. I have been in here and there mode for years, and now it’s time to be still.

Today, I was upset that my daughter didn’t like the solid foods I mixed for her. I make her baby food and we practice a method called, Baby Led Weaning, and she also eats purees. She is the type of baby that enjoys almost anything. We gave her a pickle and she loved it. However, she cried for the first time, and I was a little hurt by it. I know she didn’t dislike it as a personal attack but as I tapped out of mommy mode, I needed a mental break, so I asked my husband to take over. I feel like I’m in mommy mode so often and so long, that I stop enjoying the precious and even the not-so-sweet moments, that I know are fleeting.

My business has been on a temporary hold. I have yet to dive into how and what I will do next and how that will affect my business. For now, I’m not sure when a good time to energetically open my shop would be. Although I know my calling brings me exactly what I need and what others need at the right time. This is something I know for sure. I’m focusing all of my attention on writing. This is done at the wee hours of the night and edits throughout the day. There is hardly time to take a long shower, but I will persist! I know I can write.

My husband and I have become consumed with parent life, we have had little time for ourselves or our relationship.

I’ll leave it there, on that flat note.

I wish to feel settled first and foremost, and to no longer experience any form of anxiety. I didn’t have this when I was a child, and out of nowhere in my mid-twenties, it came on like a cold shower. I wish to live with peace in my heart and wonder in my eyes. I wish to enjoy my child’s growth, today as she turns 6 months old, I wish this for myself now. There are moments where I know I could have been a little more present, but I try as best as I can. I wish to have a career in writing and be a stay-at-home mom for my daughter and the next one. To travel with them I hope for this and more to come, and for my family to look back and know that we have lived well.

As I recollect the gratitude and attitude items on my list, I look to the future self to help me solve this. I am sure there is a future self somewhere out there existing and living all the things I wish to happen. I’ll send this off to her- the version of myself that dreams, has vision, has patience, writes all the time and gets paid for it, and most importantly, enjoys all the little things in between.

For now, I allow myself to connect with this version of myself. Flaws and forgetfulness, a mom's brain with a heart filled with love. I look forward to the moments that take my breath away with joy. I hope and pray with open palms up to the heavens. I invite life to come down in and through me with all of its beauty and glory.

I hope this for you, good quality sleep, and many more wonderful things.

Depths of the Sea, and Slivers of the Moon

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